My mother is punishing me not to come out as soon as possible. help!

I am 20 years old and have recently come to my mother. I told her now only because I started looking at a woman, and I felt that I needed to share this fact. At first, I was very nervous to tell him. Her response is no less than anger: she claims that I have lied to her, and she is very upset that I kept this information from her for years. He has said something incredibly hurt to me, and I am afraid that it may harm our relationship beyond repair. My brothers agree that his response has been at the peak. Recently, he has taken me to ignore! I do not know how much I can stand. What should I do: Keep talking with him or leave it?

Daughter

I am sorry that your mother cannot be the parents that you need for him – or deserves. When you made yourself sensitive to him, he ignored your experience and made the situation everything about himself. (I wish I could say that this is the first time I have heard a version of this story, but sadly it’s not uncommon.) For the record: you haven’t done wrong at all! When you were ready, you came out.

My advice may seem to be fare, but right now, I am more concerned about your welfare, because I am about your relationship with your mother. (And ignoring you is a serious warning sign.) So, a question: Are you dependent on your mother for the needs of housing, tuition or other materials? If you do, make peace with him (and swallow his absurd argument about your dishonesty) until you are financially independent. I have left many youths by their families.

Now, this is possible – even the possibility that your mother will come with time. And I don’t believe that you can now predict what you will have a relationship with him. But I know you are brave and honest, and I don’t want you to move forward due to inability to get up on the occasion. If you have a LGBTQ center, contact for support. If not, come back to me, and I will try to help you find the resources you need.

Carrots, sticks and beach houses

How can I tell my step -son and his wife that I do not want them to go to my beach to Kondo? My husband (my step son’s father) died three years ago. During his prolonged illness, my half -son and his wife were not helpful or attentive. And I am confident that their only reason to see me is to stay on the beach. I do not want to spend time with them. Advice?

Step mother

I can be wrong, but I don’t think your question is about the beach Kondo. It seems as if you are still hurt and angry about your husband’s behavior during your husband’s illness. This is appropriate! But would it not be better to talk directly with him and his wife that you keep quiet about your feelings and use the beach condo to punish them?

Now, you have not shared much about your relationship with your step -son. So, this is your call: you are definitely entitled to bargain them and make a distance between you. (“Sorry, a trip is not convenient for me.”) But you can feel better if you tell them what really bothering you and creates an opportunity for discussion and resolution. (“I was left by you during your father’s illness.”) Is this possible?

This is a commuter thing: you won’t understand

I live in Portland, Main, but I work in Boston. When I tell people about my job, they say, “Is there a terrible traffic!” But I have no objection to a two-hour bus ride: I get a lot of work in the bus, and I enjoy riding a bike from the bus to my office-and back. Nevertheless, these comments bother me. How can I stop them?

Committee

People know that you have a long traffic, because you tell them. So, if that line of conversation makes you angry, then stop telling them! (If you work at Boston Children Hospital, for example, say that you work in health care and keep the location unclear.) Still, as a small thing goes on, it seems relatively interesting for you to take fresh. But this is your call if you do not want to move it forward.

Thanks for inviting! What is my budget?

Friends sometimes invite me to the restaurant as your treatment. This can be my birthday, or I have done them a favor. I am grateful But sometimes the invitation is coupled with a proposal to choose a restaurant. I want to be honest about my preferences, but since I already know that I am not paying the bill, I want to be moderate, too. (I love expensive restaurants, but they can wait until I am giving my share.) So, what is a good answer to “Choosing my gift”?

Dinner

I wish I could tell you that you are getting overseas. But the amount of mail is obtained from the readers who feel suffering from a meeting in expensive restaurants or any inequality, which validate your anxiety. (“He had Two Drink! “) Answer diplomatically with your priority in cuisine, instead:” I like the bistro fare a lot “or” I have a urge for pasta. “And leave the decision to your hosts.

For help with your strange situation, send a question to socialq@nytimes.com, Philip Galan on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip On X.